Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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