I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
