im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
