You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
