If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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