I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
