I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
