I want to walk on stilts...naked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
