I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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