I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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