so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
