Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
