What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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