Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize