The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
