This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
