Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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