i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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