I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's get the cat blown out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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