I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
