So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sarcasm needs its own font
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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