You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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