When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize