He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
