If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
