Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
