that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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