you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize