im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
