it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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