last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
