It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
