god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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