i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
