new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everyone is single if you try hard enough
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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