remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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