You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
