so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
