Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
