But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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