pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
only if we run a train.
done.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
