Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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