Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
