Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
