So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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