my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize