Just cropdusted the office
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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