i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
