I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
