I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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