I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
