He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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