I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
