It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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