i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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