Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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