your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
