Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
