somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
