I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
