when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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