He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
