She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize