I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
