I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize