So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
