There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
