Is it normal to miss your booty call?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize