Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
