I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
