So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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