If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I could fuck to npr.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize