I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think your dad took our porno
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
