That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
