I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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