He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
