he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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