All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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