is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm really busy with my period
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