I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
