If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
