On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
