We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
