How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
