The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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