Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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