I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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