You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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