If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
