He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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