I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
did i just pee glitter
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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