i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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