Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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