I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My feet surprised me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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