Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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