I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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