she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
