Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
