your room smells of hookers.
And success
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
