Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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