Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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