i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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