After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
