i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
