AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
