Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
