Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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